I haven't written in a while.  A great many things had occupied those months but today I thought it was important to start up again.  You see for the past fifteen years I've often hidden in plain sight telling myself that it was better not to rock the boat but to just sleeping dogs lie.  More and more as I began growing in my faith I found staying quiet as contrary to the new nature inside me.  As the years have passed my courage had grown to levels even I hadn't realised.  Now understand every time I speak up my stomach becomes queasy, my hands shake and become clammy and my heart races because the unknown terrifies me but like what Jeremiah said when he was contemplating how difficult the consequences were for speaking what the Lord had told him to Israel that the Word of the Lord was like a fire shut up in his bones and he could not contain it.

For a long time I have accepted that certain aspects of church culture have to be tolerated because that was what I was instructed to do by older believers that I held in high esteem.  However as I grew older and studied scripture deeper the Spirit inside of me grew more restless at this tolerance.  One day as I was listening to an older woman who was judging a young man in the youth because of the length and color of his hair.  I happened to know this young man and how marvelous his faith was and out of my mouth I defended him and put this woman in her place in front of someone else.  I was surprised by the other person's reaction, she snickered and nodded in approval.  I was confused that this person didn't speak up before and that my courage unveiled her real feelings about what this woman was doing.

I began to ask the question what was worse the act of gossip or the lack of courage in standing up for the young man?  This led me down a path of discovery and more questions not about the world but the church's understanding of righteousness, ethics, and interpretation of scripture.  God showed me that nothing is as it appears.  Those who have an external aurora of righteousness aren't always anything other a lovely veneer with no substance and sometimes those who are socially awkward in church culture often have a deeper understanding of spiritual things that is quite refreshing.

So what am I referring to? We see in scripture that some of Israel were strictly adherent to the rituals of the law while others were looking for the spiritual insight and understanding of the law and that hasn't changed in thousands of years.  We are not lacking for truth and we are not lacking teachers but we are lacking in motivation.  When football season starts many have already gotten their tickets bought and hotels reserved, or they have the schedule ready for their team and what channel the game is on.  When kids start soccer or football parents are committed to practices and games often foregoing church to keep to the schedule.  Even television gets more motivation than studying scripture or participating in ministry.   Most believers give a whole host of reasons why they can't or won't do what God wants them to do.  Neither fear or shame motivates them toward a deeper relationship with Christ but they nod when the pastor scolds them from the pulpit and when the service is over they go to lunch and forget what is said.  What is worse are those who wrestle with motivation but in the end are more seduced by the external idea of the spiritual than the real thing.  So what is left are those of us who struggle to find each other and struggle to emerge victorious not in the world but in the church itself.

For the next few weeks I'm going to be pulling away the church's comfortable veneer to expose what is beneath not to be cruel or judgmental but to be realistic and idealistic in a culture that doesn't like anyone who makes the majority look bad.  Will the vast majority be motivated to change probably not but by keeping silent and compromising to keep the peace I will by definition be contributing to the continuation of the church's bad habits.  I hope that some of you will find the courage to find a spiritual center that defines your thinking and behaving and begin to call out those who are participating in destructive behavior in the church.  I will discuss how to go about this and how not to but remaining quiet is no longer beneficial to the church.